New Rules

We had a book donated to our library without a cover which we will not add to our collection because of that very fact. I did however, take it home and read it and laughed out loud several times, irritating my husband with, snicker*, "Listen to this, honey..."

The book was NEW RULES: POLITE MUSINGS FROM A TIMID OBSERVER by Bill Maher (Rodale, c2005, ISBN 1-59486-295-8) and it is just a book of funny musings (and not at all polite! Where did that come from?!?) on different topics written in encyclopedic form.

First sentence:

No more books by talk show hosts.

My three favorites:

CORONARY EATERY
Your hamburger can't be bigger than your ass. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania is offering a new burger that weighs 15 pounds. One sign your portion may be too large: if one of the health risks is a back injury.

MISSION IMPLAUSIBLE (This has pictures of Scott Peterson, OJ Simpson, and Robert Blake)
High-profile murder suspects have to try harder. "I left my gun at the restaurant"? "I was golfing at night"? "I went fishing on Christmas Eve"? From now on, alibis for wife killing have to be at least as plausible as the argument for the Bush tax cuts.

TIT FOR TAT
No breast-feeding in public. Some women think it's okay to openly breast-feed in the restaurant while I'm trying to eat. They say it's healthy and natural. Well, so is my date's libido - but you don't see her blowing me next to the dessert cart.